What Does a Good Friend Look Like?
Friendship; it plays a huge role in our lives.
Some of us have many friends, some just a few. Some find it easy making new friends, some find it extremely difficult. No matter the person, friendship is often something that just happens naturally, and we take it from there.
But, with all of the ups and downs, similarities and differences, there’s some very common qualities that identify the concept of friendship and exactly what it takes to be a good friend.
So much so that there’s been a lot of research conducted to identify exactly what a good friend looks like, and how we can spot the good eggs from the bad.
It turns out that most people are looking for the same qualities when identifying exactly who is a good friend and who isn’t.
These qualities also help us to identify how we can be the best friend that we can be, and shines a light on what qualities we should be looking for when finding a bestie of our own.
Let’s dive deeper;
We’re all looking for someone we trust
Did you know that the highest regarded quality that people search for when looking for a friend is trustworthiness?!
Trust grows from honesty, loyalty and dependability and allows us to be our wholesome, true selves without feeling like we have to shy away from who we really are.
A good friend is a trustworthy friend. One who acts with integrity and honesty. These qualities are good indications that the people who you are hanging with are great company.
It’s also a great way to assess your own qualities, being sure to act with the same trust you’d expect from a friend.
Listening is key
A friend who listens is a friend who is empathetic, understanding and willing to take the time to understand your world.
Active listening is an important quality to have, not just when making friends, but also when working and navigating life.
This is because, listening is a skill that allows us to be able to improve connections, gain information, and provide a nurturing safe-haven for others.
With the average person spending more time listening than writing, reading and even speaking, it’s important that we acknowledge that this skill allows for us to provide feedback, and encourage growth.
It only takes minutes, but listening can change an entire world for one person.
Listen!
There’s no ‘on’ or ‘off’ button
Friendship is not a kettle. There is no ‘on’ or ‘off’ button.
Which means that your friends should be supporting you through your best and worst moments, and not pick and choose the moments that suit them best.
Not to be confused with a bad day or a rough patch, friendships don’t turn ‘on’ and ‘off’ depending on the day or moment.
If you find that you are friends with people who choose when they show up and when they don’t, then it’s time to think about whether they have pure intentions when it comes to your friendship.
Friendships come and go, it’s a part of life. But, it’s important to know which friends are the ones worth investing your time in. They’re the ones you want around.
They’re the ones with no ‘on’ or ‘off’ switch.
There’s no time for a judgy bestie
A good friend won’t judge you when you make a mistake, and will show you empathy when times are tough.
Full stop.
It’s highly likely that you are already hard enough on yourself. Harder than any other person. So, it’s important to have the right tribe of friends around you who can show empathy and understanding when you make a mistake. It’s as equally important to have empathetic and supportive friends who genuinely support you and are happy for you when you succeed.
You are human; so are your friends.
There’s no perfect friendship. It all begins with a non-judgemental and empathetic attitude toward each other.
Friendship is equal
Friendship is a two-way-street. There’s give and take from both people involved.
This means that the friendship is equal, and that there’s not always one person doing the hard yards and the other person enjoying the ride.
If you find that you’re the friend who is almost always;
initiating messages or calls;
organising the catch ups and outings;
fixing the problems that arise;
people pleasing so that the friendship continues, or;
saying ‘yes’ to maintain the peace.
Then it could be that you’ve got a friendship that isn’t equal in weight, and this may be something that you need to re-assess or work through.
You are going to experience both good and bad friendships. There will be friendships you experience that hurt your esteem, mental health and emotional wellbeing.
The key is to be conscious of this, and take action if you feel this way.
If you find that you have friendships that lack trust, empathy, understanding and are complemented by judgement, it’s highly likely that friend is not your type of person.
And that’s ok.
Not everyone is your person. (And if they are, we need to chat).
Don’t forget that what you seek in a good friend is often what a good friend seeks in you.
If you have any questions at all about friendship, or want to chat through some friendship thoughts you are having… reach out! It’s what I’m here for.
Happy friend-ing!
Mellanie Shaylor
Let’s be friends on Instagram
